Tuesday, October 6, 2009

nothing like I thought

Motherhood is nothing like I thought it would be. It is so much more.

Kael is in daycare and I am in the full swing of school. This is where single parenting starts. I didn't realize how hard it would be to juggle school, daycare, and spending time with my little guy. On top of that is the fact that my friends have social lives. Don't get me wrong, I would never even think of trading my son for a social life, but when you are run down from running everywhere, you get a little jealous of regular people with regular lives. When people complain about trivial things, I find myself thinking "Now imagine doing that, going to school, raising a baby, and walking to school everyday in five feet of snow, uphill both ways! That would seem easy!" Ok, so when I think to myself, I exaggerate a little.

Besides the mental juggling and schedule juggling, there is juggling a baby, a diaper bag, a book bag, grocery bags, a bucket of laundry, and getting them all from the car to your place in one trip, in one piece, because you can't leave the baby in the house while you go to get the next load. Easier said then done.

I'm not going to lie, sometimes I wish daycare was open 24/7 so I can sleep somewhere in there. Driving from daycare to school, driving home every weekend to visit family, remembering to eat three meals a day, getting my homework done, and taking care of kaels needs (you try reading "Sociology ", which is every bit as exciting as it sounds), while your 15 month old who just learned how to say ball and is screaming BAWH!! At the top of his lungs well, it gets exhausting. By the time the day ends, I put Kael to bed, spend two hours doing dishes and picking up, scrubbing off, and organizing messes I didn't during the day, which gives me a solid hour to relax, watch a show, get into pajamas, and collapse into bed, just in time for Kael to wake up to play because midnight has become the cool time to play.

So why do I do it?

The comfort of knowing I am doing everything I can to give my son the best life I can, the life he deserves. The joy when I see his face light up with excitement when I pick him up from daycare. The pride as he accomplishes each new thing, gaining more and more independence every day. The feel of his little arms when they wrap around my neck, knowing without a doubt that I am all he wants, all he needs.

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